How To Deal With Angry People: A Survival Guide

By Dr Tony Fiore

Dealing with angry people in our society is becoming increasingly challenging. Some days, it seems anger surrounds us at home, in the workplace, on the roadways, and at sports events. It is easy to get caught up in an escalating spiral of angry exchanges which usually upsets everyone and does nothing to improve communication or solve the problem at hand.

As an alternative, this survival guide is designed to provide practical tips on how to deal with two types of angry people in your life: (1) explosive people who might be dangerous and (2) people who are chronically angry toward you.

PART 1- EIGHT TIPS TO DEAL WITH EXPLOSIVE PERSONS WHO CONFRONT YOU: DEFUSING POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS SITUATIONS:

1.Do not respond in kind. Hostility often begets more hostility.

Respond instead with a non-hostile message to defuse people who are behaving in a hostile manner toward you. The classic example of this is in when simple inconsiderate driving or even aggressive driving suddenly escalates into road rage due to two drivers ratcheting up hostility in response to the other’s hostile acts, words, or gestures.

Please remember that in these and other hostile situations, you contribute somewhat to the outcome by your decision to return hostility or not.

2.Take their upset seriously and validate their feelings.

Listen to what they have to say and hear them out; ignoring them or minimizing their feelings will tend to escalate their anger further. There have been untold numbers of workplace violence incidents that could have been averted had supervisors or managers listened with empathy to disgruntled employees rather than responding in an insensitive, or uncaring manner.

3.Never argue with someone when they are intoxicated.

When someone is drinking or intoxicated, this is no time to try to solve relationship or other problems (especially if you too have had a few drinks). A high percentage of angry confrontations as well spousal abuse arrests occur when drinking is involved by one or both partners. Drinking often impairs judgment, decreases inhibitions (resulting in saying things we don’t mean), and distorts your normally astute reasoning ability.

4.Respond to the feelings they are having- not the content of what they are saying.

Try to hear and respond to the underlying hurt or pain the person is experiencing underneath the angry words. Use statements such as "I can appreciate why you feel that way," "It sounds like you are very angry right now," "Many people feel the way you do."

5.On roadway, don’t make eye contact with an aggressive driver.

This is the secret signal in the animal world to engage in combat and will frequently escalate things, sometimes into "road rage." Just ignore aggressive drivers and stay out of their way.

6.Allow angry people to physically escape the situation.

Don’t block their way or prevent egress, or you may be putting yourself in a dangerous situation. Take off the heat rather than increasing the pressure! Don’t insist on solving the problem “now” when the other person is in an agitated state.

7.Don’t defend yourself by attacking back at them or their character flaws.

Defensiveness often escalates anger in the other person and, in fact, is one of the predictors of divorce, according to recent marital research. There is a time to present your side, but not when your partner is unable to hear it due to his or her anger.

8.Don’t try to solve an emotional issue with logical arguments.

Trying to diffuse an angry person with overwhelming evidence of their thinking errors or mistakes in logic, or facts to the contrary, or reasons for why they shouldn’t feel the way they do, or why they should feel differently - usually makes the situation worse.

Part 2- HOW TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE WHO ARE CHRONICALLY ANGRY TOWARD YOU.

1.Consider changing your behavior that triggers their anger.

Sometimes the most practical thing to do is to change whatever it is that triggers anger in people close to you. Not that you should go overboard on this, but simple changes can do a lot, especially if they don’t lower your self-esteem or don’t “cost” you a lot to change.

2.Think about terminating the relationship.

Truth is, some relationships we get involved in are so "toxic" that it is self-abusive to continue in them or to try and repair them. At times, you need to protect yourself from people in your life who create an atmosphere that is not good for your well-being.

3.Limit your time spent with them.

If terminating the relationship is too drastic of a step, consider simply limiting the time you spend with toxic people in your life. Decide you can put up with the person several times a year at the family Christmas party, for instance, or that you will be tolerant toward your angry ex-spouse once a week for the sake of your children.

4.Ask them directly why they are often appear angry toward you.

A straight line is the shortest distance between two points. Sometimes the quickest way to find out why someone appears constantly angry with you is to simply ask them. They may not even realize they were communicating angrily toward you, so your inquiry may open up a great opportunity for dialogue.

5.Communicate clearly how their negativity affects you.

Honestly letting people know how their behavior is affecting you emotionally is often an "eye-opener" to the other person. Start with "I feel" statements rather than "you" or "you should" statements.

6.Adjust your expectations of them.

People may be chronically angry toward you because you communicate that they are disappointing you in some way and they are perceiving you as overly critical. Adjusting those expectations you have toward others may result in their being less angry toward you!

7.Stop trying to solve unsolvable problems in a relationship.

According to some marital researchers, up to 60% of issues in a relationship are unsolvable due to the couple’s being “gridlocked” around it. Trying to solve unsolvable problems creates much anger. Instead, find a way to dialogue about the issues and live with each other around them, rather than trying to fix them.

8.Suggest ways to remedy anger, if the other person acknowledges he or she has an anger problem.

If the angry person in your life is open to it, suggest an evaluation by a psychologist or physician to determine what the problem is. There are many underlying problems such as Depression, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Bipolar Disorder, and other conditions which can lead to anger problems. Often, anger management classes are recommended in addition to treatment of an underlying problem.

Author's Bio: Dr Tony Fiore is a licensed psychologist, marital therapist and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, offer classes, programs, and products to individuals and couples, including an innovative online anger management program. Dr Fiore can be reached at 714-771-0378 or visit his website at http://www.angercoach.com/

A Negative Thinking Person Cannot Succeed

By Arthur -

Do you know that negative thinking can be self-fulfilling? When face with a very difficult problem, the person with a negative frame of mind will unlikely be able to cope with the problem as compare to a person with a positive mind frame.

Do you know that negative thinking can be self-fulfilling?

When face with a very difficult problem, the person with a negative frame of mind will unlikely be able to cope with the problem as compare to a person with a positive mind frame. Luckily for us, these worlds have more positive thinker rather than negative thinker or it would not have progress over the years in term of engineering, medical science, information technology etc.

Why is it that negative thinker can never improved our living environment?
If a negative thinking person is in a difficult situation, that person would likely to give up rather that persist in finding the solutions to the problems. The famous inventor Thomas Edison would not have succeeded in inventing the light bulb if he is not a positive thinker and keep experimenting, finding ways of improving his light bulb with nothing but his self-belief that his inventions will work. Not many people can survive failing more than 1000 times in an experiment and it is because that such positive thinking people exists that we are able to enjoy the progress of today.

Imagine that you are a negative thinker and have a difficult problem at hand. Most likely, you will give up after a few tries and that separate you from a successful person who will keep on going and going just like the rabbit battery advertisements. A negative person give up too easily and they always assume that things can never be done and it is no use trying. They tends to look down on themselves and blame the environment and rely too much to luck instead of trying and finding new and alternative ways of solving the problems.

Therefore, to succeed in your life and achieved your dreams or goals, read, see, listen and surround yourself with positive thoughts and people and learn to think more positively and belief in yourself that you can do it even though the tunnel on the other end is still fill with darkness. A positive thinker will one day re-fill the darkness with brightness.

I remember reading somewhere: 'The illiterate of the future is not one who cannot read or write but one who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn.' This was a view held by a Nobel laureate.

Wishing you success living as a positive thinker.

Copyright ฉ Arthur A Self Motivation a day will make your day a GREAT DAY. Visit:: http://www.sap-basis-abap.com/motivation/

Using The Negative in a Positive Way - God Does It All the Time

By Rev Bresciani

I loved Norman Vincent Peale's, Power of Positive Thinking as much as any book I have ever read. I have read Napoleon Hill's books and I am an ardent believer in almost everything Dale Carnegie ever wrote. I have notes scribbled on the back pages of my Bible from Carnegie's?How to Win Friends and Influence people, albeit I refused to read it at first thinking the title was too corny. For years now I have both pondered and studied the effects of positive thinking and talking, as against negative thinking. I have agonizingly and carefully begun to approach something that might at last qualify for a conclusion.

The sum of my conclusions could be found in one single verse of the Bible. And we know that all things work together for good to them who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 KJV The key words in this passage being "all Things." That is understood to mean the negative and the positive.

Few believers would not agree that difficulties and problems are part of the building of our faith and character. But in today's world of positive thinking buffs it would be a weakness, an admission of defeat or even an act of faithlessness to even make mention of our problems. God has warned us that we will have tribulation in this world so who are these believers who seem to think that just to mention them would be faithless or negative. Since Jesus said it is enough that we be like the master (Mt. 10:25) then mentioning our troubles is no different than what our Master did. Jesus also said that we should be of "good cheer" when we were beset with troubles. The Apostle Peter said we should "count it all joy" when our faith was tried. It would seem that God is looking not for people who deny problems but face them differently than anyone else. The negative kept, silent or spoken openly has much less effect on our future than you imagine. Conversely, how you handle these matters has a more profound effect than you can imagine. God, it would seem, is watching the latter more than the former because after all this life is more of a battle ground than a playground according to the Bible.

Can the painful moaning of a dying soldier be thought of as complaints? Can that same moaning take anything away from the debt of gratitude a nation may feel for his sacrifice? A little show of pain isn't an alliance with the negative forces of the universe it is merely a show of our humanity and our vulnerability. But today there are those who would rebuke us for even the slightest hint that we are undergoing pain, a problem or a negative outcome of any kind.

I was amazed to see that when Christianity Today reviewed Joel Osteen's, Your Best Life Now, that they were not squeamish about saying that his emphasis on being positive became a negative. I couldn't have agreed more. I see negative and positive together in this world but above that I see the will of God unfolding through it all. When I put my key in the ignition of my car as I prepare to drive to a crowded interstate highway, I see that as positive. I don't think I will die in a huge accident, but just before I take off I do a very negative thing, I buckle up! God forbid I had to explain why I was doing that to a pathological positive thinker. To speak out loud that I may get in an accident after all would be the grand no-no.

The outcome of wars is often accurately predicted by military analysts that delve into the negative. That is they take the worst case scenario and make provision for that occurrence and thereby are prepared for such with contingencies. It Works, ask Norman Swartzkoff. Dale Carnegie advised many people to do this in order to take away the nagging power of doubt. The banana grower who was afraid that the trains might stop running before the crop could make it to market was told to envision that very thing. He made contingency plans, perhaps two or three of them and then he got on with the business of growing bananas without any further worry. He was told to see and plan for the negative to clear the path for a positive experience. Are you paying attention?

By now someone is saying, but God spoke the worlds into existence so we must recognize the power of the spoken word. Yes, and I do, his word not mine or yours. For your words and mine I would tone down their importance in the light of one very important verse of scripture. Jesus said?But let your communication be, yea yea; nay, nay for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. Mt 5:37 KJV

Rev Bresciani has written many articles over the past thirty years in such periodicals as Guideposts and Catholic Digest. He is the author of two books available on Amazon.com, Alibris, Barnes and Noble and many other places. Rev Bresciani wrote "Hook Line and Sinker or what has Your Church Been Teaching You," publisher, PublishAmerica of Baltimore MD. He also wrote a book published by Xulon Press entitled "An American Prophet and His Message, Questions and Answers on the Second Coming of Christ." His book is now being heralded as the clearest book on the subject of the second coming of Christ since Hal Lindsey's "Late Great Planet Earth" Rev Bresciani's website is,
http://americanprophet.org

Worry – Three Quick Ways To Triumph Over Worry

By Joel Teo

Often situations are not that much tough, the extent to which human perceives them. It is tendency of humans to aggravate the situation and make it worse by thinking a lot or by worrying a lot about them. Every situation, how much be worse has a solution hidden in itself; the need is to keep one’s head calm and composed. The proverb “haste makes waste” is apt in case of worry as often you tend to take wrong decisions in a hurry due to tension and worry. The difference between successful and whacked people is only the way they handle situations. Those who emerge as winner keep their head cool and those you lose, they felt worry stricken and can’t take a firm stand. Thus, it is essential for one to keep worry at a bay if he wants to be successful and happy.

The most important factor which helps you to get triumph over worry is your attitude. Attitude is the way you perceive the things. People differ in perception power. Those who hold a positive attitude can take any situation and those who have negative attitude towards life often tend to get webbed by worries and tensions. Thus, first need you need to do is to change your attitude. Though you it is difficult to change attitude in one day, you need to start taking whatever life throws at you in a positive manner. Slowly with passage of time, you will feel the change yourself and will not get worried by any hard situation. To imbibe a positive attitude in you, you shouldn’t mourn over the factors but should seek for the ways to overcome it.

Second way to get triumph over worry is you need to stay positive and have to believe yourself. It is very important for you to have confidence in yourself in order to accomplish any task. Remember, half of the battle is won in mind. Thus, you need to believe yourself that you have the power to normalize the things again or can handle any situation. Even the brain leaves you if you get panicked and to get ideas to your mind to solve the things you need to stay as cool as cucumber.

Third way to get you over worry is to adopt planned approach. Often one gets ready to face the situation and stays positive but inability to draw an effective plan to handle the situation draws one deep in worry. You need to adopt a planned approach and to get your plans ready to face the situations. Another important thing you should not forget, always make a plan B or alternative plan as it is not compulsory that primary plan always kicks. Many a times, people forget to make alternatives ready and if their primary plan fails, they are left in lurch. So, it is better to have alternatives with you.

To get triumph over worry, you need to stay calm, positive and composed along with adopting a planned approach.

About The Author:Joel Teo loves to help people succeed in their lives. Visit his self hypnosis site at http://www.mybestselfhypnosis.com/ today and learn how to carry out change self hypnosis on yourself at http://www.mybestselfhypnosis.com/Change_Self_Hypnosis.html